Monday, 9 January 2017

2;55AM

For some moments, I really want to see someone that I’m with really had a feeling. Share those thoughts and feelings with me. It all not just about I miss you, I love you. Tell me what you’re so afraid of, tell me what can brings a tremendous happiness to you. Tell me how its not work with that one friend. Tell me how crush its feel  when the judger talk bad about your work. Tell me about how you miss being home and what you miss the most. Tell me how you crave over cheap food. Tell me the cafĂ©’s dishes never taste good tell me the delivery man always come late and had no cash balance that you hate it. Tell me how its feel when you’re with your friend tell me how you hate one of them talking about shit thing or how you love being with each of them so you’re not alone. Tell me all those things that makes you fatigue and tell me how much you want to get rid of all them. Tell me how much you annoys being on media social that all those thing makes you insecure tell me why you want to delete it. Tell me about what twitter make you feel are you happy being there. Tell me why you cant sleep at night and what are you thinking of. Tell me how calm it is when you look at the sky, tell me you like all those constellation. Tell me what is the things that reminds you of me. Tell me how much you listen to my favourite song or how much you want skip them all. Tell me how its fell to get my calls or my text, did they annoys you. Tell me how much I spoil you. Please, tell me everything. I crave to know everything about you more than anyone ever wanted to know anyone. Tell me everything so I know you had feelings. Tell me why behind everything.. so I know you’re crystal clear about your feeling. I don’t want to spent another night thinking about all my unfinished words because of your acah tak acah attitude. I don’t want to live in doubt. I don’t like this zone, this is not comfort, its torture to live another day wondering if we really worth it, can we really make things out. Oh my dear, tell me how it’s really feel. Or else tell me you’re not ready..

Wednesday, 4 January 2017

A memories to remember. Perhaps, to forget.



So this entry, I don’t know why but I feel like telling it here. About this one guy that I do like talking to, but he’s not the one that I decide to love of course since I just knew him.  I do had that one person that I decided to call him and only him the best words a lover could call their lover (like sayang etc I hope you do understand what I try to tell) but this story is probably not about that one.  So this guy, he used to make me laugh and I really like talking to him. He is so cling that I annoy sometimes but I feel cute at the same time. I obsessed with his accent that I keep playing his voice note that he sent in our past conversation. My small laugh my ugly laugh I never like them but he said “can you sent your laughing voices I like it”. He’s got a great height great voices great hair great body I know I can never like him either fall for him because there’s really and only one place in my heart that I’ve fill with someone else. But day by day, once we get too attaches, once we got too comfortable, we can’t leave those petty feelings behind. I don’t know what have got between us that make we always get into a fight. Maybe I can’t fulfil his and he can’t fulfil mine. And also I got no time to hide that I already had the person that I want. I glad to said that everything had ended, truly ended, now. Here, im not gonna tell how break its feel, how crush its feel to know that the person that we used to yeah you know, had someone else. But I gonna regret if someone ever feel this way because of me, because the thing that I promised and because of the thing that I did.  Its good to know that THAT PERSON is moving and probably happy and not even think of my as this time passes by. But remembering his word “I tak boleh tak message you sehari, I jadi teringat” kinda hurt a little deeply I feel it. But even so, I pray him the best. I let all this sweet memories goes as the time passes and how I hope to go a day never thinking about any of this ever again.

One thing I regret is opening to someone that don’t deserve to know me that well. Touch my heart with all those silly quotes and those lyrics that I thought it was true. I decided to keep my circle small. To not easily trust people, and to stick to very one person. But lately that one person hurt me too. Everything hurt me all at once.